i went to byu yesterday to turn in scholarship applications, and meandered around my future home, getting lost at almost every turn and thinking "in 7 months i'll know this place like i know my neighborhood at night." and i saw all the kids studying on the lawn, sprawled out, soaking the vitamin D and thought "will that one be me? or maybe that one? is that the boy i'll fall in love with? is that the girl i'll hate?"
and then i went to my last ever lacrosse game. (my parents want me to quit to get a job, but i want to quit just as bad as they want me to quit.) it was strange, standing in the cage, waiting for the other team to come sprinting my direction, and knowing that's the last time i'll ever play a game. nostalgia hasn't kicked in yet, i guess. i still can't compute.
and then the yearbook is done, and i can't believe my last year of high school is speeding toward me so fast. i feel like graduation is a semi-truck charging at me at 150 miles an hour. whether it will be blissful release or terrifying pain, i guess i won't know till it hits.
and then tomorrow is spring fling, which i've been looking forward to for both 4 hours and 57 years, it feels like. man, that came fast. and slow. is that what this transitory period is all about? understanding that you'll want to remember every second, so every second seems to fly by at some times, and freeze at others, and no matter how fast or how slow, you know you'll never be able to actually experience anything truly like it again? awareness sucks, sometimes.
sometimes you enjoy things more when their ephemerality isn't so apparent.
just blue -- the weepies
the captain and hourglass -- laura marling
pachad -- yael naim
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