line of nodes

one of the problems with living in provo is the fact that i can't go for a midnight stroll.
well, i mean, technically i could, but the last time i tried a lady pulled up next to me and asked me if i needed a ride anywhere, and when i assured her i would be fine and that i lived just around the block, she asked, "are you sure?" in a concerned kind of way, and i said "yes, thank you," and she drove away, leaving me feeling much more worried than i had felt setting out. especially since that was the second time it had happened to me while out at night.
yeah, there are rapists and creepists out there, but when a woman can't walk down the street and listen to the sound of her own footfalls and find the peace in darkness without fear, well, then something is wrong.
living in the city can be kind of nice, but i'll never settle in one. even if i live my whole life there i'll never settle--the moving and lights and sounds of cars and siren wallpaper and not enough trees, never enough grass. i'm closer to the mountains here but i feel much farther away from them than i do at home, and when i walk all i see is concrete and brick, and i've stopped noticing people when they pass me on the sidewalk.
i want to live by a river, i think. i miss the sound of water, i never noticed how much until this winter. and i want a massive garden, and a big front porch, and something about fences make me sick, so probably not those if i can help it. i want open lawn, miles of it, and trees-- big ones, maybe willows, shady and stretching and climbable, and lilacs because they smell like summer at night.

i think all this thinking about where and how i'm going to live in the future has mostly been sparked by this blog. i'm 175% addicted, even though it usually just makes my heart hurt. gimme a tiny town nestled in the lap of the alps, or a cottage overlooking the north atlantic, or a plantation home near the potomac, or a breezy spanish apartment, or a snow-covered neighborhood in norway and i'm in heaven.

in other words, i want to marry someone with buckets of money.
darn you, reality. can't you just let me dream?

seasons: iii. return -- mae

i just needed you to know -- mae

sort of -- ingrid michaelson