i'll miss those boys.
lemmme be honest. i don't have a lot of chick friends. and the chick friends i do have sometimes are a lot like guys. it's harder for me to make chick friends than guy friends. maybe that's how life goes when you grow up with two brothers. but the biggest problem is that i'm a chick. and they're guys. and they are leaving me.
i didn't think it would be this sad, you know? ever since i was in beehives i knew i'd be sad when my friends left on missions. but at the time i had one guy friend. so i didn't really think it would be that big of a deal. little did i know.
the first big one was today. the first farewell of a really really good friend. one of the really really reallys too. i wrung that program to bits but didn't shed a tear (though i came close). i saw old friends and new friends and lost friends and found friends and i could never tell if he was looking at me or not when he spoke. it snowed. birthday present for him. went to his house and ate salsa and had to replace my dessert because the salsa couldn't be tamed. i encountered people i didn't want to, and couldn't talk long enough with the rest. and then i went home and was restless and wrapped a tie in green ribbon and took brownies out of the oven and my mom came in and said "could i write him a note?" i walked out the door, note signed by brothers and mother in hand, and drove to his house and spoke to his father for the first time when he answered the door. i went downstairs and watched the boys play mario kart and he had a bite of the brownies and said they were beautiful. (actually he said something else but it isn't blogworthy.) and then we played mario kart and i set him straight on some things. 12th place. played kitchen with a 5-year-old. listened to a cars 8-track, and put a leather jacket on a 5-year-old. was thanked many times, and felt like the hour was brilliant. (all parting moments are, aren't they? like staring at a light and seeing it in the inside of your eyelids for much longer than was spent looking at it.) gave and received many hugs, and walked out with an armful of cake, smiling into the snow and feeling warm and sad. i prayed it wouldn't be the last time i saw him.
and soon, he'll be gone. we'll write, and he'll change, and i'll change, and more will leave, and more will write, and more will change, until i'll feel like an iceberg in the ever-shifting sea.
can i handle it? there are more to come. many more. the girls behind the boys, waiting to get swept off their feet, writing and saving and patiently waiting until the time comes that they fall in love or fall into service.
i don't know what i'm going to do without my anchors.
it's a sadness and a joy.
the way i am -- ingrid michaelson
5 years time -- noah & the whale
painter song -- norah jones
This makes me want to cry.
ReplyDeleteI hate goodbyes.