so at the request of a dear friend, i'm going to give him an honorable mention.
you know. do the whole "this is my bff & i want to spotlight everything great about him except really i'm just gonna bring up all our insidee jokes that now one else but me && him will get but it won't matter because this post is for youu, bff!!!" kind of post. i'll do my best to tyr and make it as least obnoxious as i can, but i'm not making any promises. (especially because this will be replete with not-so-subtle height allusions.)
but anyway.
his name is patrick taylor.
(if there were a way to "make it spaaaarkly" i would, because he's that special.)
he once (today) expressed to me his concern at how i represented him in this blog. so patrick, just know that even though i abbreviated your name to just "p," it does not mean that i consider you similar to or desire to compare you in any way to "the excrement" of the same name. (his words, not mine.)
anyway. remember how we've known (of) each other for years but never really became friends till senior year? yeah, well i don't. (HA!! THREW YA FOR A LOOP THERE, DIDN'T I?! okay but really, i do remember it. i was jusss keeeding.) anyway. that was weird, because how could two people who have attained the level of creepiness we have not be friends? like, you think we would have been black-belt creepers. and all black-belts know each other, right? so why don't all creeps know each other? well, perhaps we just had to perfect our art before we became really good friends. because, let's face it. you, at least, have it down to a science. i, a mere redhead, am humbly following in your wake. you will always be at a level above me. but maybe one day i'll rise to your level.
anyway.
basically, though i am but a humble redhead, you would be totally lost without me. am i right? i mean, let's think about it. i helped you find the (tall) love of your pre-mission-days-life, provided you with endless hours of entertainment and distraction from the important things of life, and helped you acquire a totally new-found self-confidence! without me, you would be a much.... different person. and who would want that?! because, patrick, i think it's time you hear/read me say/write it.....
you really are beautiful, just the way you are.
and without you, i would definitely be different. from your influence, i have gained a new understanding of how important height is as a prerequisite to marriage, a new appreciation for my worthlessness as a (short) redhead, and hours of similar entertainment from your antics. except, wait, i never acquired a love interest out of our friendship... WHAT THE CRAP?! that proves it--i am a much better friend than you are. but even so, i have the dignity and decency to say thank you. for the music. the songs i'm singing. because your friendship really has been great, and inspiring, and stuff.
after that i'm going to have a hard time being serious. but seriously. SRSLY. you really are a great person. (i'm planning on saying x34786 cheesy things to you in your first letter at the empty sea. BUT, if you keep reading, you may get a sneak peek!) i've loved our gospel discussions and gossip sessions and stupid conversations (and stupid escapades) we got into. they'll always take up the most room in my heart, similar to the way you take up the most room in any given space. i truly think i would be a different (and probably much worse) person sans your influence.
(at this point, i find it appropriate to insert this disclaimer: patrick taylor is not on his deathbed. [knockonwood!!!!] he is leaving to go on an lds mission to barranquilla, colombia in a week and a half for two whole years. so, not dying. just leaving for a little while.)
anyway. you're going to be a spectacular missionary. and that is not empty praise. that is very full praise. full like my girth. my 400 lbs girth. i admire you deeply and shallowly and all "-ly"s in between, and i can't wait to see the kind of person you come back to be. also, i'm sorry if my letters aren't as funny as you're looking forward to. i'll try. but probably fail. because that's what redheads do...... we FAIL.
and so, patrick, i hope this has been an adequate honorable mention. and if it hasn't, well, you may just beat me like you always do and call it even.
i love you!
(go ahead. shudder. you know you want to.)
sing for absolution -- muse
come on sister -- belle & sebastian
little lou, ugly jack, prophet john -- belle & sebastian (featuring norah jones)
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